This is actually my goal. I've been successfully making changes over the past 10 months. These changes have helped me climb out of a very difficult emotional state. I'll be sharing this with you over time, but for now, I'll give you the "short story".
Up until last Sept. 2010 I have never experienced depression or anxiety such as the level that came upon me suddenly while my husband and I were on vacation in Eureka, Ca. Let me share this thought with you.
Depression and Anxiety - Many people experience depression and anxiety. Sometimes the depression is brought on by personal experiences that are so difficult to cope with it is not hard to comprehend why depression sets in.
My sister died in a car accident at age 27, I was 21 at the time. My step father died from a massive heart attack the following year, same month. My cousin committed suiside at age 16 the very next year, the same month.
I believe it is fair to say that I understand sadness and depression on the level brought about by cercumstances. However, this is not the type of depression and anxiety that I experienced last year, Sept. 2010.
Before last year I had no comprehension of why someone would ever want to take their own life. You have heard the expression, "they have so much to live for". Or how can someone with "everything" such as a good mate, all the money they would ever need, and good friends, possibly consider taking their own life.
You simply cannot understand this unless you personally experience the inner sickness that drives a person to this level of anxiety and depression. Personally, I don't even know if it can be called anxiety or depression because it is rather a physical "thing" inside of you that is indescribable.
This feeling sucks the life out of you. It sucks out your motivation to move, to get up, to shower, to watch TV. It takes away your confidence, your joy, and it sends your mind on a repeating pattern of dispare where you cannot stop thinking of "worrisome" things. Whatever that "thing" is can be different for each person, but it is an uncontrollable thought pattern in which you just can't seem to turn your mind off.
THIS is where I was. My first thought was that I had become addicted to Norco, a pain medication that helped me walk up to 3 hours per day.
My first goal was to get off this medication. It took me 2.5 weeks, but I got off of it. The fact was I only took 1 to 2 of these pain pills per day, but at some point my body began to reject it so it was time to get off.
Next - I tried anti-anxiety medication. This was a HUGE HUGE problem for me. I want to first say that many people need these medications for depression and anxiety. My own husbands life has been changed to a much happier one through these types of medication, however, for me, it enhanced the horrible "thing" inside me and after just 5 days I began to consider taking my own life.
Do not misunderstand the "why" here. Why I wanted to end my life is due to a sick feeling that I could not touch, control or get rid of. It was physical, not mental. It attacked my mental and emotional state of mind - yes, but it was a physical issue. The medication almost brought me to my death.
I stopped taking it after 5 days, I tried one other different medication and after 2 days realized it was going in the same direction so I stopped that as well.
Today, almost a year later I have had ups and downs full of anxiety and stress. However, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being when I wanted to end my life, these anxiety attacks are between 3 and 5. I can deal with them.
I have many many days where I feel normal. And other day where I feel very close to normal. What has helped me through this time is a variety of natural remedies. I drink high alkaline water, I try to eat as much non process foods as possible, and I meditate on relieving negative energy (thoughts), which I will talk about at another time.
If you suffer from anxiety, there are ways to overcome them. Seek help. Do not give up. Know that you are not alone. Hang on... it is important to know that you WILL get better. This is what helped me. Those thoughts, I WILL get better. And I have.
That's it for my first post. I'll be back soon.
:)
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